Don't trust me :o)

Not too much to say today [I know,you're relieved :o)] I've been very thankful today,thinking about my life.No,not in a Pollyanna sense [most of you know me,and if you've ever heard me go off on a good bitchfest,you know I ain't 'Pollyanna :o)] It's hard,to watch your daughter struggle with the leaving of the bf to Japan for a year,and not be able to lift her up,or swoop in with a hug and some soup.BTDT when Steve and I were in college,and I'm thankful I don't have to go thru that ever again.To watch a son work a full time job and go to school for his masters,running all the time,wondering about his life.I don't think he's appreciate mama strolling in and spanking admin,oh,no I don't.Watching the other son struggle with the decision of what to do with his life,wanting to help steer him,not sure how to help.
I realize the things they're going thru are normal and part of being their age,but that doesn't make it any easier to sit on my hands,not try to mother them or try and solve their problems, and shut up.I don't think aging is living without deep passion and purpose,but the absence of the personnal struggle that marks your early 20,hell even your 30's.I am grateful to have the passion of youth,and the maturity to know how to handle it any enjoy it,instead of worrying about it. You reach a point where you accept who and what you are,and if you're lucky,you have people around you who accept who and what you are too.And I *am* lucky....except for the occasional eyeroll from the kids,I am accepted here,and in the places that matter to me. I'm always going to have 2 personal struggles [hey,they're personal for a reason :o)] BUT..I can approach them differently than I did 20 years ago.Or say Screw it.Up until very recently,I would look at people near and dear to me,going thru divorce,death,cancer,problems,and I'd think "Why not me,it's happening to everyone else?" and I'd start to worry,"what about if that happens to me?" and that constant worry will wreck your spirit.

Well,I've decided that,you can't pre-plan how to deal with personal disaster,and I stopped borrowing worry.It hit me like a sledgehammer and buckled my knees,when we discovered Steve has a brain tumor.Over the years,the drugs have kept it in check,and unless you count the worry, once he got used to the drugs,it didn't effect his quality of life,or ours.We are going to be the lucky ones,-we already are. He goes to the endo Oct 10th for the 6 month brain checkup extravaganza,I'll keep you in the loop :o)
Wow! So much for not having anything to say,huh?? I sit down,and either it's there or it's not.I didn't know this was there. Don't trust me when I start by telling you I don't have too much to say :o)