Dear Diary......

Dear Diary,

Today I had a run-in with the neighborhood ass-hat.You know,the one person that everyone dislikes,the one voted "most likely to borrow something and never return it"? Well,when I got home from work her dog was in my yard.I grabbed it's collar and took it back up the hill,she was outside.I explained to her,we have leash laws...it is illegal for her to let her dog run loose,and unfair to us,as my side of the street is not even allowed to have dogs. [really] She says to me "Gail,the dog wants to run loose." I said "Hey,YOU are the human,you rule the dog,not the other way around." And SHE says..."Well you play your music WAY too loud,I can hear you coming from a mile away" [ @@]" So *I* say "What does that have to do with your dog crapping in my yard?" And she sez, "And you drive too fast" And ran inside. @@ Asshat.I was listening to Mahlers 2nd,she's lucky she wasn't in the road,she'd need the resurrection ;o) And the second I got inside,the neighborhood gossip [Not me?? Can you be-LIEVE it ?? ][he's 88 going on 16,and knows every single thing that goes on in this town,everybody loves him]called me to see "if everything was ok". Evidently,the dog "loves" him and tries to knock him over,so now I'll have to do something,I can't let that dog hurt him.

Hey Diary,Stevie was here today to do his laundry.I forgot he was coming,in the thrill of vacuuming [OK,Diary,THAT was a bald-faced lie,I was *thinking* about vacuuming.That's good,right? ] Actually,for the first time since I started the new job I didn't feel broken when I got home,so I got a lot of stuff done that was making me feel guilty.Like laundry.And cleaning out the microwave,I don't know HOW Tony does it,but he manages to blow something up in there on a regular basis.I think I'm going to charge him an ass fee for the clean-up.

Ass Fee

[n] A monetary fee charged by Gail, paid by various family members, for various messes,made by the offender,and left for Gail to clean up.Most of the time,the fee is met with laughter,but if the offender greets the fee with surliness,Gail reserves the right to double or triple the fee,depending on the phase of the moon,the day of the week,and whether she can con the offender into going to the store for her.Milk and OJ runs are always popular choices for the Ass Fee.And if a little strawberry ice cream finds it's way into the cart,even better.

Also,my Dear Diary,I made an end-run around Steve.He called to say he'd be late tonight,and I said "Gee honey,that kinda spoils what I was makin' for dinner,you'll have to bring chinese home". And HE said "My being a half hour late ruins the dinner you were gonna cook?" And I said "Yup !!" And when he was done laughing,he agreed to bring it on home. A Good Day.Well,I hear "Helloooooooooooo,Lucy" and I smell chinese,so it's dinner time.Goodnight,Dear Diary :o)