Responsibility

I was asked yesterday about my opinion on gun control laws, especially as they pertain to assault rifles. I had not considered assault rifles in my opinion about gun control, as I never had any intention of owning one. I hope assault rifles, of the semi and fully automatic variety, are banned from public use. That they are reserved for military and law enforcement officials, and that there is a HEFTY MANDATORY jail sentence for possession. As for handguns and rifles [of the NON semi auto or auto variety] I hope the current laws allowing sane responsible citizens will be upheld. Go ahead and test me, and do a backround check, but do not make a permit for a gun so hard for a law abiding sane citizen to get that they give up. Everyone has the right to protect themselves, as they see fit, within the confines of the law. I do NOT want my second amendment rights trampled on by the actions of mentally ill thieves. I do NOT want

[excuse me, for I do not know what the correct term is...the right? The left? the liberals? The conservatives? I  am tired of of those labels and refuse to use them. I also stop reading and ignore any article in which the author feels the need to fall back on them.]

ANY POLITICAL group to start blabbering about how the NRA is at fault. The woman who allowed her mentally ill son access to her weapons was at fault. And I will not defend the NRA. They rightly see that events are being used to try to curtail the second amendment, but they are going about protecting that amendment in what I believe is the wrong way. If it was not for the NRA, I don't know WHAT kind of second amendment rights I would have left now.

Let's remember that mental healthcare can have all the friggin mandates  obama can throw at it...but they are largely unfunded. So any discussion about gun laws needs to include the unlegislatable.....the mentally ill. If they can't get or steal guns, they will use other things as weapons.

Let's discuss the media. The ceaseless coverage of tragedies.  Interviewing LITTLE KIDS as they exit the building that their teachers and friends were murdered in. Keeping a "headcount", and comparing that "headcount" to past tragedies. I'd like to muzzle the media. Only media local to the tragedy should be allowed unfettered constant coverage, for the locals. The major media outlets should really examine their culpability in any future tragedies. They created the bar, and THEY continue to raise it with their coverage.

Lastly, there should be a discussion about classroom safety. Starting at the building entrances, moving to the main office, and ending at the doors of the classroom. Those discussions will be held by the schools and districts themselves. Building security. We now see that the mentally ill, having been given a platform by the media who keep a headcount and compare current tragedies to past ones as if they were different periods of a hockey game, will continue to aim for public places that are not defended, "undefended", or "Soft defended". Lets keep our word, to ourselves and our kids, and Protect The Children. Don't let this tragedy pass without thoughtful considered NONpolitical debate. You don't have to have a religion to keep those families in your thoughts. Work, as you can, to find a way to stop this from ever happening again. No politics, no religion. Help the mentally ill or remove them from the general population, and keep the kids safe.

I see, as I write this, that there are 9 days left until Christmas. My prayers will continue to be with the families who lost loved ones. I cannot imagine the horror.

                                                             

Sheer Horror.

 

Please keep these families in your thoughts, and close to your heart. This is sheer horror. If the principals and teachers were allowed to decide whether to arm themselves or not, someone could have killed this rabid animal before he took as many innocent lives as he did. The news calls the school an undefended target, law enforcement calls school  a "soft" target. This horror is not a case in point for more gun control. It is an argument to FINALLY allow sane, decent, hard working people to protect themselves as they see fit. Oh, those poor people.
Sheer Horror.

                                                                                

Thrifty Tuesday/ Mama always said to wash your hands

You may not know this about me, but I am very much into making my own health and beauty items.That is, things that *I* have produced that take the place of a store bought item. That do as good or better a job than their manufactured counterparts. I'm most successful with body oils, having finally figured out what blend of oils and scents works best for my skin. The internet certainly makes my search for inspiration, as well as information, one hell of a lot easier than it used to be.

I have eczema. A patch on each of my hands. Nothing huge, actually. But it itches like holy hell, and, as it is a rash, can become a vector for germs to get into my skin. GERMS IN THE WRONG PLACE=BAD. Mama was right, so I always wash my hands as a first line of defense. Sometimes that is just not possible. Which is why I began my search for a hand sanitizer that I can make, that does not smell like an evil laboratory or contain ingredients that have the potential to harm me.

A stroll down the sanitizer aisle at the store gives me 2 choices in the antibacterial department.......triclosan or alcohol. I refuse to use hand sanitizers with triclosan in them. They contribute to the rise of resistant germs, and are even now being linked to health problems.

http://www.mnn.com/health/healthy-spaces/blogs/more-bad-news-about-triclosan

That leaves alcohol. This is good, alcohol is cheap! It also smells like the alley behind a pool hall and stings my eczema like a summabeetch. So I need to use enough alcohol to be effective at killing the germs. Mixed with something to dilute it a bit and give it a soothing quality, and perhaps an ingredient to make it smell better. Look at what I found today! The basis for a home made hand sanitizer. I can pronounce all the ingredients, I can buy them locally, and I can make batches upon demand, so they are not sitting on a store shelf for God knows how long losing their effectiveness.

http://www.utahpreppers.com/2009/04/pandemic-preparedness-diy-sanitization/

[please scroll down to the recipe for hand sanitizer. Thank you very much Utah Preppers, you have a lovely site, and I appreciate it.]

I have those ingredients in my home already. You'll need them, along with:

-some type of small unbreakable bottle, preferably with a flip-top, to decant the sanitizer into.

-an array of essential oils....a small bottle of sanitizer should only need a few drops of oil to scent it nicely.

-food grade dye [think of the Easter egg dyes you use, or icing dyes]

There is nothing wrong with a clear sanitizer. The problem I see is that, once it is on the skin, you might leave a bit un-rubbed in. Which would then transfer to your clothes. Or coat, or gloves, ect. The alcohol could bleed the fabric. So I want just a touch of color in my sanitizer, to prevent the destruction of my clothing. I am very good at that already, I don't need any more help.

I would add 3-5 drops of essential oil, and 1/2 drop of food coloring [or less, we want a little tinge, not a day-glo effect] per cup of alcohol and adjust up or down in later batches to suit myself.

The cost of the aloe, alcohol, essential oil[s], and dyes will definitely be recouped by the sheer amount of sanitizer you can make. All the ingredients are also shelf stable, no waste from products turning rancid.

I also thought to look for an alcohol free version of hand sanitizer. Lo and behold, the interwebz answered my call!

http://www.noordinaryhomestead.com/making-homemade-hand-sanitizer

[A very informative blog, you will enjoy it as well]

This version will be a bit more pricy, as the essential oils themselves are the antibacterial ingredients. This is the first kind I will make at home however, for cold weather use. Winter air and heat is drying enough without alcohol helping it along.

I am finishing up the hand sanitizers I have now, and I will keep the bottles to refill with my own creations. A great way to start the New Year, weaned off of the scary stuff in the bottles from the store.

Changes

I am sitting here watching the Christmas candles flicker. I can smell the pine candles [no real trees here, I don't want to kill them, and the mold is too much for our allergy-suffering family members] and I can see the decorations spread all around the house. Anticipating baking, and the annual "Hiding of the Fudge" , always good for some laughs and creative threats. Happy Holiday season, and Merry Christmas :o)

Still out of work. This is frustrating, to say the least. I took a test today, to determine what, if any, new field I should train for/move into. And the results were that I need to go into the sciences, industrial art [I had to go look that up, wasn't sure what it was] and health services/science. That resonated with me. I had considered going to class to become a doctors assistant [not a pa] with an end goal to being a phlebotomist. Then a really exciting thing happened. After all these years. Tone has decided he wants to go to college after all. I could not be happier for him ! So I won't be training for anything [yet] I'm going to get a job to make sure Tone can finish what he starts. So lots of stuff going on here, and the holidays right around the corner. That's my excuse for the lack of blog, and I'm stickin' to it !

We finally met with Steves surgeon, the doctor he chose to determine if surgery was indicated for his thyroid. It appears that the little small nodule.....the one closest to the carotid, that the biopsy tech could not get a sample of...indeed, needs to be biopsied. Just to be on the safe side, but the needle biopsies are far from pleasant. Here's to hoping the tech can get to it this time, and end Steves waiting and worrying. *If* it is indicated, the thyroidectomy itself supposedly isn't "that" bad [a nasty quantative word if I ever saw one, no surgery isn't "that bad" unless it's not your body being cut into] but the thought of having to take a pill for the rest of his life gives him major pause about allowing any type of surgery unless it cannot be avoided. I agree with him.

As for me, I am doing really well. I am not due to go back to the cardiologist til May, but I think I'll need to go before then. The med he has me on, I lost enough weight so that I think it's too powerful! My hands and fingers are bluish and ice cold within an hour of taking that med. That is a GOOD thing ! This is my goal going into the new year. To make more progress towards getting off the meds.....the PSVT one, well, I need to wait til after menopause, with my luck I'll be the only fertile 60 year old on the planet. The blood pressure one, I think I'm closing in on it. To remain off both, I need to practice stress control. Some people in my life have difficulty listening to and comprehending the truth. It is not worth my health to deal with it anymore. It will mean changing relationships or cutting off relationships with a few people, they don't realize they are physically hurting me with their bullshit. If they care, great, we can work it out. If they don't, well, I'm not anyones doormat. Or target.

Here in NY, even as winter approaches, the indoor plants continue to flourish, making my heart happy and helping me over the SAD [seasonal affective disorder] effect. I don't suffer from it as much as others do, but bothers me nonetheless. My "White" Thanksgiving cactus is blooming, with blush pink flowers....I think it got up to the dickens with the fuschia christmas cactus when my back was turned. Plants going to sleep, plants waking up and throwing flowers and seed bracts. A lot of action if you know where to look.

There's something else I wanted to say. I have been asked, by some family as well as friends, why I haven't blogged. The biggest part of it was deciding what to blog. There have been times where I wanted to post an adult pic or joke, but did not out of fear of offending someone, and I got friggin tired of trying to second guess myself. I'm done worrying about "everyone". I'll be blogging about what makes me laugh, shocks me, pisses me off, or catches my attention. I do not do politics or religion, so if you see a pic of that nature here, it was because it was funny or uplifting. I hope you enjoy the ride.

 

:::::insert my siggie here, this damned format is not as user friendly as the old one:::::::::

Holidays for December 10th:

10 Human Rights Day  11 National Noodle Ring Day  12 National Ding-a-Ling Day

~Always be yourself. Never try to hide who you are. Always stand up for what you believe in. Always question what other people tell you. Never regret the past. It's a waste of time. There's a reason for everything. For every mistake. Every moment of weakness. Every terrible thing that has happened to you. Grow from it. The only way others will respect you is if you show them you respect yourself. And most importantly, do your thing, and NEVER apologize for being You.~
-Marley Enriquez

Whoopsie!

WOW. Nothing since Oct 12! One of my resolutions is to keep up with the blog. I have had a few requests, and I said I would. I'll be back !

It was Bad, but the worst is over.

I am here. Steve and I have been thru a very difficult time. I told you, I wouldn't, I couldn't blog and not say what was on my mind or heart, so I didn't.
I can now.
Steve had an endocrinologist for his brain tumor. The tumor diappeared! The endo was relocating to CA, so Steve needed to select a new one. He walked into the new endos office, and the doc focused right in on Steves neck. as they spoke, the doc came around the desk, and palped Steves nek...something the other endocrinologist had never done.
Steve has lumps all over this thyroid, and some of them were BIG. This did not look good. After an ultrasound, 2 biopsies were scheduled, a week apart. We believed we were looking at a diagnosis of cancer.
The final test results were given us by the endo this morning at 6:40 am. He called because he knew we were on this treadmill for WEEKS, waiting to find out if Steve has cancer.
HE DOES NOT.
In these weeks, we were able to confide in some friends and Steves family, who supported us thru the worst of it. I will blog more about it this weekend, it just occured to me at dinner tonight that I can speak freely again, I could not SAY the word cancer out loud, it was too big and frightening.
I am the luckiest woman in the world.
More, soon.

Matchbox Cars and a Madonna

We all have it. That one junk drawer. The floor of a closet. Maybe the glove box [what an antiquated term that is ! ] in the truck. I was reading a blog. The writer had a ceramic piece her father bought for her when she was a little kid, from a woman selling door-to-door for charity. The Father had the little girl pick out whichever one she liked. She is now in her 40's. The piece traveled with her from state to state, and from home to home, all those years. She was "decluttering" a closet and BAM! There it was again. Ugly and having no meaning to her, she threw it away. She said it was very freeing to discard it after all these years.

I never could have done that. it would have made my heart hurt.

I don't think she understands the difference between clutter, and treasured memories.

When I was 15, our family home burned down, so I don't have too many things from my childhood to hoard anyway. A ceramic Madonna I made 2 of, one for my Mom and one for my Grandma. In junior high school shop class. The one I gave my Mom was lost in the house fire. When my Grandma passed, My mom found the one I made for her, and my Mom kept it until she died. Now I have it. Monetarily, it is worthless. But my Mother thought enough of it to take it when her mom died, and that means the WORLD to me. Ugly? YOU BETCHA! In my eyes, it represents one way my mother thought of me, personally, not as one of "The Kids". When you come from a large family, you might be a little short on those moments. I will keep it for the rest of my life. I can imagine, as Steve or my kids clear away the debris of my life, they may find it, and toss it. It won't have the same meaning for them as it does for me.

I keep other odd little things like that, as well. In my family, we take great joy in finding the perfect funny card for birthdays. If we can't find one we make them. One year my kids gave me a mothers day card of "SpongeBob Squarepants" that included a real, very small sponge. That sponge is in the paper money section of my wallet. A gold tone "Mother" pin Stevie gave me for Mothers Day. Bought with the money from his first job. In my jewelry drawer, with the jewelry Boo made for me in school, also for Mothers Day.

Tone was VERY heavily into matchbox cars as a kid. He gave me one, as a "Lucky Charm". I was going to my first day of work after being a Stay at Home Mom for years. Tone thought I needed a talisman to get thru it. You'll find that in my purse.

In the center console of my truck. A white rock. Given to me by Boo, as a good luck charm, from her new home with Mike.

My Grandma and Mom, whenever outside, were always on the lookout for 4 leaf clovers. My sister Sharon became quite adept at finding them, and laminating them. The one she gave me...you'll find in my wallet. She passed a few years ago, but I have a tangible memory of her. Not that I need it, but it is very nice to have just the same.

Even as the dementia took my Dad, he had a day of clarity. Knocked on my door and said Gail, I need you to keep these for the family. He handed me a small suitcase. Full of pictures of family and friends long gone. I was only able to identify the family members, but I keep the suitcase intact, even after scanning the pictures.

The love letters from my Honey, when we were in h.s and college. Clutter to some, the promise of a bright future to me.

Why in the HELL would you consider the things that have deep meaning to you, to be clutter? HOW could you not be able to differentiate between Treasure and Trash? I watch the T.V shows "Hoarders" and "Hoarders: Buried Alive" and my heart breaks for those people. They probably feel the same way about the 120 dolls, or 7 rusted out cars, or the houseful of trash, as I do my little good luck charms.

If you looked around my home, you wouldn't see many of my treasures. In the laundry area....that ceramic Madonna my Mom kept stays there. And when I get to HATING laundry, I remember that she had to do laundry for 10 people. I am doubly blessed,- to not have that much laundry, and to have her to think about as I go about the business of running a home. In the music room. A book of technical practice music for cellists. Given to me by a teacher and friend. When I play Ruby now, it is usually with a headset and a shuffle, playing along to whatever music captured my fancy that day. But the book sits nearby, ready to go if I want a walk down memory lane [or a technical reminder] A black and white print, from the same person, hangs in my living room. Not only a reminder of him, but the photo itself [although he assured me I have it backwards] resembles the light at the end of a storm, the promise of calm waters ahead. I go to my wallet to pay for ever more costly groceries, and see that lil sponge. Thinking of my kids. All adults now, and I am blessed enough for them to still WANT to come home, to still identify with their family unit and treasure it. We have our weekly family dinners, and they do not get missed unless work, illness, or travel get in the way. When I go to the Doc, [because of my Mom, I guess I will always ride the high side of nervous at the Docs office even if it's just a checkup] and reach into my purse for my kindle...I see that matchbox car Tone gave me. And have more memories, as well as the kindle to help pass the time and keep the nerves at bay.

The day Steve and I signed the mortgage papers for the Love Shack, my laminated 4 leaf clover was right on the table with me.

The pendant from the necklace Steve gave me for our first Christmas together. I was 15 and he was 16. And that was That. Who could know, looking at that bit of plastic, the life we would share? The Good and the Bad times we've been thru?

No one except Steve and me.

When I pass, that will be tossed like so much trash. For as long as I live, though, that is the tangible reminder of where we came from, and where we are going.

These little things, I will have as long as I live. The clutter of a life, hopefully well lived.

Clutter would be things held for someone else, for a purpose they may or may not need it for, that interferes with your daily life and the cleanliness or safety of your home.

Treasures. Well, all the treasures I have been given would fit tidily into one garbage bag. But the memories span my lifetime. I hope I have given [and continue to give] treasures and memories.

From time to time, I Take the time to really look at my treasures. Sometimes I just want to enjoy memories. Sometimes I need a little support. And sometimes I need that tangible talisman against the dark. That you love and are loved in return. Those treasures help you keep the faith that the good times will be back shortly. THAT is when you reach for a sponge. Or a matchbox car. Or a plastic pendant. And wait for a new day.

 

August 20th:

 

         -"What will your Legacy be?" month

         - Cupcake Day

 

 

 

Crazy Daisy,leftover baked potatoes, and a 45 yr old knee

I offer you a picture, taken by Tone. Of his breakfast. All my kids are foodies, and enjoy cooking. One of the lessons is "what to do with leftovers so Dad will eat them" He doesn't like eating the same meal twice in the same week. Since I Love the guy, I try to comply. Leftover baked potatoes became hashbrowns for last nights dinner. Tone took them, mixed them into scrambled eggs and topped with cheddar. He made a breakfast platter only a 23 yr old could eat and walk away from.Of course he took a picture, and Facebooked it. I laughed, but then took the time to look at the platter he used to plate his meal. This is a platter from the crazy daisy Corelleware set. It was the first set I had, in the beginning our our marriage and with tiny kids. Then came the Ivy set. They both, um, died, an unnatural death, by droppage. I have a few plates left that I use under plants, and this platter. It got me to thinking that the leftover plates, from long gone dinner ware, tell the tale of a long marriage. At Steves wedding, the DJ had all the married couples come onto the dance floor. Then....OK, if you're married less than a year, please leave the floor. Then, if you've been married less than 5 years, please leave, and so on. They got to the "30 years and over" crowd, and only 2 couples were left on the floor. Steve and I and an older couple. THAT was quite a shock. I don't FEEL that old....I feel like a 30 yr old with a 45 yr old right knee. I suggest when the times comes to buy new dinner ware, that you try to save the last piece or two from your dinner ware sets when you replace them. They will provide a lot of fond memories. When you take the time to really look at them. And remember them.
Just got off the phone with Steve. Told him the yaw my thoughts took this morning. "In the blink of an eye, baby, in the blink of an eye." I agree.

July 27th:
 ~Take your Hpouseplant for a Walk Day
~National Lumberjack Championships [July 27-29]


~ Love you Steve and Keri! Happy Honeymoon, Welcome Home :o) ~

The Big Day

This is it.
Wedding week for our older son, Stevie. Nerves and tuxes flying all over the place. If there is one thing I ADORE seeing it is a man in a Tux. Even better if that man is Big Steve. Well, the music for the reception has been chosen. Stevie has decided on the number for the Mother/Son dance. Steve Sr. and I have 2 songs...one "Love Shack" we chose the second we heard it, as that would be the name of our future home. And this from Dean Martin. I have blogged this number before. Not so much for the way it parallels our married life, but the whole tenor of the song reminds Steve and I of times past. Of all the loyalty and hard work it took to get us where we so very happily are today. For our son to give this nod to me on his wedding day, shows me that our kids recognize what their Mom and Dad have. Which thrills me, because it is exactly what I want for them. Drop dead Loyalty, Passion, and Love.

My Dearest Steve and Keri, I wish for you the same Love and Passion we have, and that you remember to hold tight to it in the hard times....and there WILL BE ball busting hard times......because when those times pass, what you have will be all the stronger, and better for it.
Love,
Mom

~A Tale of 2 Asses~

~Act 1~

Music. there isn't one bit of my life that doesn't have music associated with it for me.  I play a few instruments, but my first love, and the one I play the most, is my cello. To that end, I have 2 shuffles, an iTouch, and a nano. One Shuffle is dedicated to music that I play along with. Slap that headphone on, start the shuffle, and play until my hands make me stop.. The shuffle needs to be charged.

~Act 2~

Early this week, Steve had an MRI, to track the progress of his brain tumor. It has not changed in any way, this is very good news. The radiology lab gave him a cd with the prints of what he claims is his brain on it. I looked carefully at the images, but I didn't see anything.

~Act 3~

And so we have the tale of 2 asses.

Last night, Steve told me hon, my puter is acting up, would you look at it for me. It takes a lot longer to boot than usual, it's loud as hell, and this just started a day or two ago.

Bright and early this morning, I boot his puter, and it sounds like it's grinding coffee, WTH?? I update and run his anti virus programs. The last programs requires a reboot to finish the process. I just happened to lay my hand on the body of his laptop at that time. And felt it. The dvd drive in motion. Mr. Ass had left a cd of his brain in his dvd drive. At every boot his puter was trying to run his brain, but it could not find it. I called him, and we had a good laugh about not being able to find his brain, nor run it.

Ass 1.

I am done now, great wife points! Let's charge that shuffle and go play!

I cannot find that #$%$ shuffle charging cord anywhere. You know the shuffle has a distinct lil pod it sits on to charge, so you can't be swapping the cord with the itouch or nano cords.

I tore this place APART. Start getting very upset, WTF??? One and one half hours pass, and I am really upset now, that sucker is just GONE. I sit down, trying not to cry, and glance at the bag the iTouch cord is in. And THERE is the shuffle cord, Mrs Ass remembers thinking, keep the music cords together, and separate from the phone cord.

Ass 2.

I call Steve again, and tell him, you win. *I* am a bigger ass than you. Explained what happened. He got a pretty good chuckle out of that, *me* being in the ass seat.  Hey, part of being a good wife is letting the husband win every once in a blue moon while.

~Epilogue~

On the plus side...I did have a basket, in which all the cords had their own bags. The basket isn't big enough anymore. I really wish manufacturers would start making universal charging cords, but hey, that would be cheaper and better for the consumer, so THAT will never happen. In the meantime, I don't intend on wasting one more minute searching for cords, this accordion file will see to that:

July:

- 12  Simplicity Day

- 9-15  Nude Recreation weekend

Back to the Future

It isn't a very good day here for women. I just saw this story on the news. I thought this type of mysogenistic bullshit ended in the late 70's, early 80's. I was dead wrong. There are still men who think women should look like barbie before they dare open their mouths to  [gasp] speak. I feel very downhearted tonight. And I hope this dear old senator retires. He obviously is having a problem tracking. Todays date is July 3, 2012. Not July 3, 1960.

http://www.myfoxny.com/story/18944236/ny-lawmaker-holds-event-on-feminine-presence

Karma [you can do something about it]

This morning I went grocery shopping.

You might not think that is blogworthy, unless you live where I do.

Today [Tuesday] is the Community Day for the 4th of July, complete with fireworks this evening.

We abut the town park. Where all parades start and end, and where Community Days are held.

This means that the police block off the entrances to my development. Literally, with sawhorses.

Very nice.

Depending on the attitude of the cops on duty, you are smiled at and waived thru, grunted at, or asked to provide your drivers license as if you are tresspassing on your own property. that type of cops acts as if he has the right to prevent you from going home, and that by allowing you by, he is doing you a favor.

Bullshit.

I do everything in my power to avoid trying to get in or out once those sawhorses go up.

That was what made me decide to go to the closest grocery store...and rush thru the shopping, to get home before the police shut us down. Instead of the one, 15 minutes away but sent me 4-10$ off your 75$ minimum order coupons. [we don't need to mention the minimum. When I grocery shop I am ALWAYS over the minimum. Way, waaaaay over the minimum.]

Of course it was one of *those* mornings. No more than 3 steps and someone is in your way. A person on one side of the aisle, their cart on the other, and them clueless. Someone talking on the phone. Listlessly picking things up off the shelf, staring at them as thought they are artifacts from ages long gone, and placing the items back on the shelf. Eating cherries out of the bag, and leaving the bag in the soda aisle. Stopping in the middle of the aisle to yell NO SHIT!!! into their phone.

NO SHIT.

Deep breath. Relax ! Lots of sighing.

I finally hit checkout. And I have a trainee casher. Very nice young lady.

She was doing great, until she hit the produce. Had to ask the employee that was training her, and helping me bag, for a plu. Silence. I look at the woman. And she is crying. Making no sound or movement, but streaming tears down her face. She plods around, types in the code, and returns to the bagging area in silence. Another plu code. Another silent walk. I am not a nosy person, but she was obviously in pain, so I asked her, are you ok? She says. Today is the anniversary of the death of my child.

That rocked me right back on my heels. And in a flash, I got the picture. Fucktard manager, this is the day before the 4th, I don't care WHO died, if you are on the schedule then you ass will be here or I will make your life hell. She couldn't afford to take a day off, and at any rate they will not give you the day before or after off and give you the holiday pay. So she showed up.

For me personally, I cannot think of a worse torture than losing a child.

So I went around, leaned in close to her ear, and told her how sorry I was for her loss. She enveloped me in a bear hug. I could feel her shoulders moving, I could feel her pain. And lookie here, who should be approaching but SOMEONE IN AUTHORITY [I think they think of themselves in capital letters like that, all they need are jackboots and a riding crop to complete their wardrobe] I pretended that I didn't see him, but loud enough for him to hear, I asked the trainee to get the floor manager. As he nears, I said hon, you really don't need to be dealing with this here, you want me to tell the manager to send you home? [what if she was really strapped for cash, I didn't want to overstep and have her lose pay cause of my mouth] She just nodded. He heard the conversation, and gave her a brusque nod.

The Big Man, giving a passing nod and an evil eye to a peasant. And a fucking sickly sweet smile to me. I already e-mailed corporate on his sorry ass. I truly dig management...don't forget who I am married to...but on his worst, so-far-back-in-the-doghouse-you-can't-see-the-whites-of-his-eyes days, Steve would NEVER treat an employee....a HUMAN.... ANY living entity...like that.

No matter how big a shit you are, you are a little shit in the bowl of the universe.

And THIS little shit just made sure THAT shit got some of what was coming to him. Karma baby. Have a heapin' helping.

[p.s. Just spoke to my mail lady. She told me, fire trucks cop cars...both local and state,... and ambulances...are all STATE vehicles. That little truck she drives is a FEDERAL vehicle, and it supercedes all local and state vehicles. Maybe I'll ask her for a ride home in the mail truck next time they close us off. And water balloon the cops. I'll be with the feds, everything will be ok. ]

July Monthly observance:

    - Bereaved Parents Awareness Month

Thank you Honey/September 5, 2011

September 5. 2011.

Everyone can tell you where they were when Kennedy got shot, or where they were when the 9/11 attacks occurred. A deeply shocking event will do that to anyone.

It certainly did it to me.

I had a regular check up with my doc. Included in that visit were the results of the annual blood work.

I was a pre-diabetic, I was ONE POINT off of being diabetic. My doc sat there with a pad in her hand, about to write me an rx. For metformin.

I froze.

Diabetes runs like a freight train thru my family, on both sides. It is what is listed on my Mothers death certificate as the cause of her death. There were many contributing factors to her death, but diabetes was the gorilla in the room. I became her primary caregiver. I watched her go thru renal dialysis 3x/week because her kidneys shut down. I became her dietician, learning [according to knowledge at that time] what she should and should not eat.

But she died. And here *I* am, sitting there, getting the same diagnosis. THIS CAN'T BE. I said WAIT! Isn't there anything I can do, on my own, without the need for a pill? I believe that is the start of a slippery slope, from which there is often no return. She said "Well, you could lose weight. And exercize. You are borderline. I can't make you any promises, but I believe if you do those things, you might be able to turn this around."

And so *I* remember exactly where I was on September 5th.

Walking out of the docs office, feeling panic, a cold sweat, shock. Yeah, it was shock. WHAT the HELL do I DO? WHERE do I start?

I came home and researched all that I could and made a list of things that I could change. And, one at a time, started doing them.

Blood sugar Sept 5 2011=125

Blood sugar Dec 2011= 105

Blood sugar April 2012= 101

I lost the weight, am no longer even pre diabetic, and made changes that I could [mostly] live with ! If you are struggling with weight loss or prediabetes, I am a walking advertizement for hard, hard, ball busting work.

I'm working so fucking hard, but it looks like I am doing it. If this blog entry doesn't sound like me, it's because every time I think about that day, I feel that sick sense of shock and horror. Mama WAS NOT HAPPY.

I believe I mentioned that at one point I thought about not blogging anymore. I posted one of the reasons back then. The other is....when I am not telling you about this life altering gorilla-in-the-room thing that happened to me, I'm hiding it. I am no good at hiding things, just ask Steve or the kids. So as I continue to blog, I will be mentioning that part of my life as well. I could NOT have done any of this without Steve. My rock and my best friend. The one who looked me straight in the eye and told me he believed in me, that he KNEW I could do this. Who made sure I had a dreadmill....you will never see me refer to a "treadmill" because to me that fucker was, is, and always will be a Dreadmill. Who held me when I would cry that it was just too hard, I couldn't do it. And he kept saying, I know you can do it.

Thanks Honey.

July 1st:
~International Chicken Wing Day
~Second Half of the Year Day

-Work will win when wishing won't-