Ahoy !

I'm sitting here going thru the morning mail. I hear a "scritch scritch scritch" noise to my left. I look up, and see a squirrel on the ledge outside the bow window in the livingroom. As I get up he leaves. I sit down and continue to read, scritch scritch scritch. The little bastard is back. I can see the birdbath is the modus operandi, he climbs up on it, and leaps to the windowsill. There are 5 windows within the bow window, and I had that window open just yesterday. If Steve left that window open overnight, the squirrel would have been thru the screen in NO time.
I call Steve and tell him, that lil fucker is staring at me. Every time I sit down, he returns. Squirrels are not as big as you think. They are googly-eyed and nervous twitchy little creatures to boot.
Steve doesn't care.
I tell him, if you left that window open last night, the squirrel would have been IN the living room, the screen wouldn't have stopped him.
Steve doesn't care.
If there is a squirrel in the living room, you can rest assured that I *won't* be there. This may seriously impact the making of dinner. I won't walk thru a squirrel zone to get to the kitchen. [Kinda like honoring a picket line]
Steve doesn't care.
I said, you wait and see, if he gets in, he WILL get into your cereal stash. We will come downstairs one morning, and the squirrel will be laying on his back, his paws feebly waving in the air, unable to roll over. His little belly will be distended, and all around him, will be scattered YOUR Capt'n Crunch!
NOW Steve gets excited!
"That Bastard! Glad I closed the window!"
Glad I know where I stand.
Right behind the Capt'n. ;o)

A Philosophy of Life

Slippers

Slippers.
I had to buy mens slippers.
FOR MYSELF.
Because womens slipper makers are cheap ass bastards.
I HATE them. AND their cheap ass slippers.
Have you ever seen the funny videos, of dogs having sno-booties put on them for the first time? How they lift their legs way up in the air?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WjwZSIDIrw

That's how mens, ill-sized for women slippers feel on my feet. I feel like I'm prancing around like a clydesdale.
Dear Ladies slipper[s] makers:
Women, believe it or not, are NOT pansies. There are times when we need slippers with the same attributes that mens have,...a grippy type of sole, and an upper that actually stays on our feet. NOT an upper that makes your damn feet slide to the inside curve of the sole.
Resulting in multiple thuds as you fall down the stairs, and a son yelling "MOM! DO YOU NEED ME TO CALL 911 ??"

Now I am a girlie girl, I admit it. Hello, my name is Gail. I'm addicted to lip gloss and purses. And slippers. Cutie-patootie pink slippers, leopard print slippers, lacy slippers, I've bought them all.
And was afraid to walk around in EVERY fucking pair.
Why?
Because you people who design these things seem to think that the only activities women participate in while wearing "womens" slippers are smoking opium or getting a mani-pedi. There is NO FUCKING WAY you can run, or even walk fast, in womens slippers.
This is WAY NOT FUCKING GOOD.
I am bruised and pissed. This is NOT a combination you want all the fuck up in YOUR grille, slipper-makers.
No, it is not.
I would like you to make womens slippers for REAL, not this fake shit that costs 3 times what the mens slippers cost.
Take a mans leather slipper, change the leather to pink or green or blue. Not yellow, too many dog owners would be traumatized trying to guess if poochie made wees on their slippers.
Size those fuckers for WOMEN. That's right, SHOE size them. There is NO FUCKING SHOE that will fit a size 8 AND size 9 woman. So WHY do you do that shit on slippers? I'll TELL your asses why. Because YOU ARE CHEAP SHITS, you slipper makers. So FIX that size shit already.
Now change the leather tie on the top to a bow, or something sparkly or glittery. NO mirrors, men would walk into walls trying to look at those mirrors and you would get sued. I may not like you, slipper-makers, but I don't want your asses sued. At least until I get what I want.
Good Slippers.
I'm waiting.