~“The Blog That Watches Back”~

Sunday, December 14

So easy,a clown can do it

You may remember a while back,my blogging about a former aol employee, as stupid a wench as they come. I wondered then, how in the hell she got a job, doing something she has NO knowledge or skill set for doing, and as time proved, no aptitude either. [You know the type,- you give that type of person a little power, and they turn into a meglomaniac]Well, she did it again. She actually wrote a column, about empty nesters and the challenges their marriages face......while she is a twice divorced single person. A single person giving marital advice.The column refers to a study she read, and advice she offers from her perspective on it. Here's one of her gems:

"Here's my advice to those who are feeling a little low. Remember when the kids were teething, sick, sleepless or just plain mean spirited? Try to remember how you felt then and what you wished you were doing instead. The time has come to fulfill those wishes"

WTF? Where's the loving on your spouse, focusing on the two of you? What about the wishes of your spouse, do you communicate to your spouse what you need, and ask what your spouse needs that they aren't getting? Did she remember she HAD a spouse, did he figure in anywhere there? When's the last time you had a few yuks together?
THIS is the single biggest problem I see with getting info off the net....most of the time, you are not in a position to know who is giving the advice. In this case, a person whom I know to be as mean-spirited, churlish, and rattlesnake-nasty as they come. Masquerading as your favorite auntie, she thinks she can read a study and offer marital advice! So, MY anti-advice is..... don't count on the net for advice. Technical advice, yes in a lot of cases, considering the source. Advice for affairs of the heart? A BIG nichter to that.

I was tempted to write a letter to the editor,...but I figured, the people who hired that ass knew what they were getting, and must have wanted 1200 words at the lowest possible price. I have found that there is no problem between me and people that I care about that can't be solved by a suitable application of love and attention. I notice those 2 things were not recommended by the columnist in question.
Hey! Do I think I can do better than that asshat? Damn Straight! Let's see how I do:

Gails Marital Advice
-Always close the bag in the cereal box. ALWAYS.
-if a bill is being paid from Steves' checking,made triple dog sure you enter it in his register. Don't leave him a note or tell him.
-Lid DOWN, gentlemen, lid DOWN. Don't make me draw you a schematic, I'll only bop you in the head with it.
-Don't talk about important things during Pass Time [a Speed channel show Steve loves]
-When you get pissed at him, Look at him. REALLY look at him. Right now I am watching him hang Christmas lights outside. He borrowed a hat from Tony, one that has ear flaps.[he looks like Ralphie in "A Christmas Story" ] Look at that face, how can you stay pissed at that face? [I Told him, print this pic out, baby,and present it when you're in trouble.......a free "Get out of Doghouse" pass]


-Don't drive his car and forget to put the seat back where you found it, and put the radio back on his channel. Also, turn the volume down.He's deaf enough, no need to make it worse.
-Cook together.We are trying 2 new recipes tonight involving stuffing fresh chicken tenders into manicotti shells, and if I laugh any more today my head will explode. Lots of fun in the kitchen [Dawn,not a WORD !!]
-Don't get mad......get even. Did he leave the shave gel out again? Leave it on the front seat of his car. Leave a pretzel bowl on his nightstand? Slip it lovingly into his sock drawer. Pay stubs....the dandruff of the computer age [especially since he has direct deposit] Did he leave 11 of them on his dresser? Then you stuff them all in his pillowcases, be SURE to get a few in each one for maximum effect. Did he leave a dirty glass on the coffeetable? Then you take everyones' dirty glasses and pile them up on his desk,right on top of all those car magazines. You know,the ones with the busty blondes whose chest measurement exceeds their IQ? Did he snore last night, then have the balls to deny it? Then,when he's in the shower in the morning, not even awake yet, you walk right in and start lobbing washcloths over the top of the shower curtain. You do enough of the "Getting Even", and your spouse wil be forced to listen to reason. They can't fight back when they're laughing so hard they can't walk upright.

You see? Laughter and Love, the two basic things you need for a successful happy marriage.Don't listen to jerks who tell you *all* you need a hobby,....I remember what *I* was thinking when the babies were up a lot at night,and it wasn't about a hobby or a vacation, it usually entailed a cast iron frying pan and Steves head. For all you know,you'll wind up putting model airplanes together,and sniff too much glue. Stick to the passions you already have,and make sure your spouse is one of them.
There! I'll never get paid for it, and now I can call myself a published advice maven. Scary,ain't it?

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6 comments:

Erin said...

Love it! I may have to take some hints from the don't get mad, get even section. You get socks. I get towels left on the bathroom floor and not closing the shower curtain after numerous times of asking.

Gail said...

Erin! I am so happy to see you,I was hoping things were ok with you.And if you need aNY more suggestions in the "get even" area,just lmk,I got a million of them :o)Fun and games at Team Gails house :o)

Tater said...

Three cheers to Dear Gail. I think Abby has competition! ;-)

Shirla said...

Love it, Gail!

Al said...

dad looks adorables ^_^

Gail said...

Tater& Shirla,you know I mean it! :X And Boo,seriously,HOW could I stay pissed at that face? :o)I think that's the best pic I ever took,and I didn't even stop to think about posing him or anything,just banged on the window and got him when he looked up.That's just how he looks to me :o)