I've been thinking whether to blog this or not. I guess I will, let's keep it real. Actually there are two things I wanted to say, but they are connected.They have to do with my deciding to be a stay at home mom for my kids. And I'm saying them because I know of at least 4 young women, plus my daughter and my niece, who read my blog when they have nothing better to do.This applies to them.
When the time comes for you to have your babies, you need not only to think about the here and now, but the 20 years from the here and now.You need to think about what you want your life to be like when the kids are grown.You CANNOT just say, "you might as well rip my beating heart out of my chest and stomp on it, as to ask me to allow someone else to raise my Children." THAT will not decide nor secure your future for you. Also, It's always hard to say that, because women who hear it, and choose to work outside the home, think you are judging them.Even though YOU were the person supporting their decision to work outside the home by picking up their children, and always being the go-to gal, SHOWING your support for them, they will still feel judged. This is a judgement on ME. I never thought, at 22,- woo-hoo, what type of job will I have when I'm 48? All I know is that I have this beautiful baby in my arms and ain't NO ONE raising him but me. And at 25, and 29, when my other babies came along, I never gave a thought to The Later.Well, guess what? NOW is "The Later". The women who continued to work outside the home have a lot to show for their efforts. Guess what, ladies ? I don't. And I wanted it to be crystal clear, there is not one thing I would have changed about being home with my kids. Not one THING. But, speaking to you across the years, so to speak, be VERY sure to calculate your "The Later" into your "Right Now" when you make plans for your children. And YOUR future. And don't judge women who choose differently from you, they are just as worried about the decisions they have to make as you are. I am NOT saying to work outside the home. I am NOT saying stay home. I'm saying,think very hard about it,don't ignore it,and make a conscious decision,that's all. That was kinda hard to put out there, so please just take it the way it was intended....just an FYI.
Well, that was one thing. The other thing was to Steve.This has been SO freaking difficult for me, the "Later", and I certainly have shared my feelings with him. Who you are, your brains, your talent...at this age, unless you've been out there all these years, you're OUT. The job I have now...I am very lucky that it requires some brains,and problem solving skills,and I really enjoy the people I work with...but this is NOT what I would have chosen for myself, if, all those years ago, I gave it a thought. I believe to this day I made the right decision, but that doesn't help in the "Right Now" when I come home feeling broken, and actually bleeding and blistered some days. I'd rather have this job than just about anything available to me right now, but that doesn't say much, does it? Steve, I am so sorry for being such a dickhead lately. I made the decision to do what I did, and I guess jobs like this are a form of penance for that, but I had the opportunity to do what I felt I had to do as a Mom.Thanks for being there, and not getting too bent out of shape in the morning. Thanks for working so hard so that one of us could always be there for the kids.You supported me and held me up then,and you support me and hold me up now. Thanks for being You. I appreciate it.
In a delicious twist of irony,
January 7th is both:
-I'm not going to take it anymore day
and
-International Programmers day. hehehe.
.
And, NO list of holidays would be complete without:
-Harlem Globetrotters' Day
More Deep Thoughts
~Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened? ~
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6 comments:
Sweetheart, I sit and read this with tears in my eyes because only two people in this world know what we've been through. All the sacrifices, the doing without, the what ifs. We've done it our way, good and bad, but now its our turn. You need to remember how important what you're going through now is to our dream. We would be at least another 1/2 year away from our goal if you didn't take that job. If I haven't said it lately; thank you. Thank you for staying home and raising our great kids and thank you for sticking with a junk job to help finance our dream. I love you.
Babe,I didn't mean to upset you ! And like I said, in the pantheon of jobs I could have,there are much worse ones.Anything for you and the kids :o)These are things I didn't think about 25 years ago,that's all. I love you,rest easy,I have what I really need.
Gail, very thought-provoking for the younger ones. When you took that job, I told you I was surprised. Your skill sets definitely do not match your credentials, or maybe they do. I overheard a "Geek Squad" member telling a customer all about firewalls and anti virus [of course,with an eye to a sale] but I thought you would rip him apart if you heard the nonsense he was spouting. And then you'd tell the customer about the free alternatives, and how to configure them. You certainly know more than the "Geeks" I've heard. I know you and Steve are buying a house, and debt is debt, scary stuff,-but have you considered getting at least your associates in Computer Repair or Science? You could name your own price if you worked from your home. I've often thought,it is Much harder to be a woman than a man,and your position right now bears that out. If you came down here and worked,even for a little while, you would have US to put on your resume. There would be no question as to your skill sets or expertise.
Peace,
Nina
Good Morning Nin! I'm home today,we are having an ice storm,and I ain't drivin' in it :o) [the sander got stuck coming up our road!] Nin,I really thought about it.I am 48.We will have a 30 yr fixed on the mortgage,and that' a LOT of debt,I don't feel comfortable accruing more debt on top of that. Thanks for your confidence in me though :o)
I remember the dark days,when the money for college ran out,and when Steve and I decided to get married,it was like,well,God took away with one hand and gave with the other,and I have never regretted our marriage or our life together. I certainly regret the unintentional hurting this bloggie put on Steve,but I'm his cross to bear ;o)
Gail- I have done it both ways. When Rachel was 1.5 I had to go to work and put her in daycare. I worked until she was 12 and then I became a SAHM when I had Alexandra. I put Alexandra in daycare and it lasted for 1 week and I up and quit a really good job making over 40K a year. When all the kids are in school full time I guess I will find a job somewhere.
The point to my story is you do what is best at the time and hope for the best. I see a big difference in Rachel's childhood and the childhood of our other kids. There is a bog difference in her memories and the memories that Alexandra has already.
I had to work or we would not have eaten. Rachel makes fun of me being Suzy Homemaker but I know she wishes she had it too.
You might think you have a crappy job but look what the payout is going to be. A wonderful home filled with love, music and laughter.
{{{{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}}
Coming from you,I appreciate your words more than I can say :o)You're good people :o)
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