~“The Blog That Watches Back”~

Sunday, October 18

Be Not Afraid, Gail.

Hehehe, I loved this:

http://failblog.org/

I could see me doing that, I read things backwards all the time, and have a tendency to reverse numbers, as can be witnessed by my checkbook. And the calculator that is now a part of my checkbook.

This is rich! You know, Steve is allergic to animals, so we have none......yet. We know he will not react to a Bichon, so that is what we are looking to adopt. Cats,......well, cats are OK, but we never considered getting one. How sweet the delicious irony then, that my yard here at the Love Shack has become a cat haven! Even as I type, I have a striped tabby in the front yard, a grey cat curled up under my truck, a black and white stalking a squirrel, a fluffy black cat looking regal on the patio, and an orange and white cat perched on the rock wall at the edge of the property, Glaring at the black cat, you can SEE it thinking "HEY! You want a piece of THIS???" There is STILL the possibility that I can become a crazy cat lady :o)

The job. OK. I'm in love. If we could move this job closer to the Shack, I'd be there til I retire. We're all broken in together, and the "promotion" I got......well, it's a crossword puzzle, anagram, bitch, and ballbuster all at the same time. How could you not love that? Plus, I MISS the gym.........since we bought the Shack, I don't feel comfortable spending money on that. I am in constant motion on the job. You know you're in the groove when you arrive at 7:30, and the next time you look at the clock it's 10:15. You know, I'm the kinda gal, if Mr. Thick-Cut-Crispy Bacon knocks on my door, why, I'll invite him in for a Johnny Walker Black and a chat! :o) Cheese? Honey, that's a food group! I know I could do better in the bacon to veggie ratio. Well, actually I couldn't, I never met a veggie I didn't like. I CAN tell you, I have my mothers metabolism, so I can work twice as hard as some one else for half the results. This job... none of my pants fit any more, they are all too big !!!! and I have 2 people at work who have offered to PAY me to make "my" lunches for them :O) ALL they are, is a sandwich...on a REALLY good home made bread or bakery hard roll or cibatta, a coldcut...I prefer turkey,but have been known to bust a move with the bologna, liverwurst or ham, with TONS of shredded lettuce or greens, and 2 lil bins of assorted fresh veggies, like peppers and cukes, radishes [I LOVE radishes]....that's IT. At least I have a job direction if I get laid off ....lunch lady. ANY of you, who have long commutes and drive them, please hit me with suggestions on how to come to terms with it. I STILL HATE the commute. And that hurts Steve, and that's the LAST thing I want to do. But the job....now, that's pretty damn cool.

Today is Sunday. And I just had a REAL eye opener, an epiphany.
Sunday morning is" the local paper and the NYT, in bed, with a huge mug of coffee" time for me.
Today, I am reading the magazine insert for the local paper, you may have seen it, "Parade". And there is an article titled "What should you worry about ?"

http://www.parade.com/news/2009/10/18-what-should-you-worry-about.html

One of the large print inserts to the article says "We're bad at assessing risk - we panic about the wrong things"

I don't have a panic tendency, but *I* am a world class worrier. I can and do anticipate everything. Makes me well prepared for anything, and it makes me anxious. And I realized, as I read the article, that I wasn't assessing risk correctly. And I do react out of emotion.
For example. Maybe 15 years ago. Steve was working late, and coming home in the dark one night. And in a 55 mph zone, hit a deer. The car was totaled, he was Fine. He and the cop were more upset by what "that damned deer did to his Mustang" than anything else. He called me, told me what happened. OK. But NOTHING prepared me for the site of the Stang. It looked like NO ONE could possibly have walked away from that, let alone drive it home. It was the only time in my life I felt like I might faint. And I NEVER forgot that.
But..now, with my commute. I approach the truck every morning, and my palms are sweaty and my heart is racing, ......which is TOTALLY out of character for me, I have a "Take life by the balls" attitude toward my life........ Because the longest part of my commute is along a road recognized by my state as having a high deer accident ratio. And a few weeks ago I DID have a close call. I saw deer one and deer 2, deer 3 was a pretty big surprize. But all ended well.
And it occurred to me....that when Steve has to commute a long way in foul weather or thru deer central, I have the same physical reaction to it.
Now I'm trying to figure out, why the fear, loathing and anxiety every dingdong morning? Is it based on facts, or "what ifs", of which I am the Queen? Or the sight of a wrecked car 15 years ago? Or a few deer tryin' to get jiggy?
My goal for this week is to approach the commute with an open mind and heart. I will NOT allow anxiety to rear it's head, and I will NOT be afraid of deer, or What-ifs. I don't know what I thought, or if I even ever Gave it a thought. I just assumed that at age 48, I would know these things about myself, I would know who I am. This comes as quite the surprize. And I don't like that type of surprize. "Be Not Afraid"...I'll just keep repeating that to myself.

And this? Because ITA, it's a pet peeve of mine, and it's funny. I think I got this from Dawn but can't find my attribute.So thank you Dawn or whomever:

October:

18th: No Beard Day
19th: Evaluate Your Life Day [looks like I was a day ahead of myself there ]

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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

When you leave your driveway and see deer crossing in front of you less than 200 feet into your commute you go into deer sight mode. A friend of mine clipped a deer carcass this week on an interstate bypass and it shredded his tire on his Tundra, yep one of the locally built ones, his mom retired from there this year and his sister is still at TMMI. $150 to replace the tire with something that would fit his rim they checked everywhere, $150 was Wal Mart. Luckily I know where the deer like to play on my half hour commute, and I try to avoid those areas...I didn't enjoy seeing them at 1 am standing on a rise next to the road and that was what I faced when I was on second shift.

Anonymous said...

oops forgot to say we where adopted by a tiny (6-8 week old) short haired kitten, black and gray,several shades, striped, last night about 10:30. I had heard it earlier in the day but didn't see it I had asked Dave for a flashlight and then said never mind it has found me. It's name is Cinders as in what you get when coal burns...I got it off the old Casey Jones series, found on You Tube, from the late 1950's it was the name of the dog and Will loves the show, he has agreed

Gail said...

{{Lee}}}} You know what's funny? I thought when I left the mountain that I'd leave behind the wildlife. And that was a happy/sad thing. Until we saw the deer all over the place here. The only way I could avoid deer, no matter WHAT route I took, would be to fly...and I'd need Captn' Sully for Sure,hehehe. Animals just seem to always be around me, I don't know why. You should see my boys :X Will the kitten be a house cat? Thats' something you and I have in common, we get adopted by unlikely animals.

toypartman said...

I had no idea that the deer hit affected you that much. Yea, the car was a mess but it was not totaled. I was able to drive it home, to work and to the body shop where it was fixed. My hit was among the worse case scenario, full frontal hit at highway speed in a small car. I don't worry abut hitting another one, chances are I will someday. All I know is that you are in a full-framed SUV that will punt most any deer out of the way. So what if you screw up the truck, it's only sheet metal baby, only sheet metal. In my heart of hearts I know you will be fine and thats whats precious to me.

Gail said...

Steve. I walked out of the kitchen porch and looked. The WHOLE windshield was stoved in, the hood and front grille were a mess, and I remember the cop SAYing it was totaled.Are we talking about the same car? The black Stang? And Babe, I figure, if I thought I was gonna faint when I saw that, how would you feel if I got hurt? I was bucking myself up for a fun commute tomorrow and now I got the boohoos! I couldn't bear the thought of you feeling hurt cause I was hurt, does that make sense? This is a lil more complicated than I thought.But I miss walking out of the house with a smile on my face and a two-step in my shoes :o) Im workin on it honey.