[see how nice I am? Did I say he was an asshole? A Pecker? A Dick? A triple-damn fuckhead? A forgetful schmekel? An impatient peckerwood? A Friggin Freak? A Fucktard weiner dick? A short tempered Shithead? A Boney canneloni? A bullheaded bastard? NO! Because I am a loyal wife and I love him with my whole heart. I would never even THINK those things. Kinda. Most of the time. If I don't have cramps. And my checkbook is balanced.]
I understand. He knows I do, but I get Major wife points [and I can sure USE them, unlike AmEx points]. This year, I got flowers and a card that made me cry [Yeah, no big surprize] Here are the lovlies:
[also...the filler is variegated ficus, so I'm rooting some of it. It's being rooted in a sweet and sour sauce container from chinese food, I also recycle! The gift that keeps giving, hehehe]
It is Sunday, and the most gorgeous day at the Shack. The men are out buying rakes, they destroyed all the ones we had. [Don't ask, but I think it has something to do with not using them as golf clubs or baseballs bats.]And Steve gets to play with his new toy,......a leaf blower. We always thought they were stupid, until we saw the sheer depth of the leaves on our lawn. Hey, they aint so stupid anymore! I'm here cooking for a few days, because the beginning of the work week always sucks for me, my longest days are usually early in the week. The whole house smells loverly, and I am :::::: Drum roll please::::: CAUGHT UP on the housework and laundry. I know this may be hard to believe, but I VACUUMED today! Yup, go buy a lottery ticket!
We've all heard the horror stories about credit card issuers all-of-a-sudden becoming [but not really, they always were] jerks. I have watched interest rates creep up, but I don't carry a balance, so I didn't care. Until American Express entered the Asshat arena. They told me Gail, we LOVE you, no Annual fee!! No, not for you! So I let them love me. Until I got my statement showing the 95 DOLLAR "membership" fee!! I paid for love! Oh NO!!! So, I called and reamed them out, and I said, I am HOLDING the paperwork you sent me, telling me I was a valued FREE member. You know what? She says OK, I'll refund the fee, but I'll have to close your account. WTF????? Oh, you'll have to speak with card services to open a new account if you wish to remain free. WTF??? [the upshot being, EVERY year you have to go thru this shit, or pay the fee.] I don't carry balances on our other c.c's, and they don't make me pay 95$ a year for the privilege. So I cancelled AmEx. You shoulda HEARD that wench, it sounded like I shit on her sacred cow. Oh well, she shit on mine first, neener-neener-neener:
AmEx: Are you SURE you wish to cancel, you would miss so many member benefits, and give up all your member points.Yessssssss, you would MISS us! You do not want to leeeeeeeave!
Me: What member benefits have I ever USED, and how many points do I have right now?
AmEx: Oh, you know, all those nice member benefits, there are too many to go into! You must have used some,correct? Why YES that must be correct!
Me: Try. Name three.
AmEx:um..... we have pretty cards! Oh yessssss,very pretty cards. And that 95$ fee helps us make heart warming commercials! Um,.....plus... um, you can charge party balloons! Oh, Yesssssss,have a party with your AmEx! Par-tee on dude!
Me. Oh. Boy. How many points do I have left?
AmEx: 36!!
Me: and what can I get with 36 points?
AmEx: um.....nothing.Yet! Yesssssss, they will add up fast.Why, you can get a free party balloon for only 10,000 points!
Me: [hey! I posted a "click" here, but evidently Blogger took that as html tags! Can't wait to publish and find out what shows up.]
Oh, and I posted this to facebook, but wanted it in my bloggie too, OMG this is funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLFd9-FPBek
October:
25th: Sourest Day
26th: Worldwide Howl At The Moon Night
Posts
2 comments:
I'm tired, I ache, I'm mentally exhausted but damn do I feel good. Inventory? Done. Front yard so full of leaves you can't see the grass? Done. Wife that loves me and totally gets it? Yup. New power tool thats hot shit? Yup. Hope you enjoy your flowers babe, you deserved every damn rose and them some. Oh, and screw those Am-Ex boneheads. I will sleep good tonight.
An across-the-room ^5 to you :o) I was talking to someone about nicknames, and how I never had one. I was wrong.You gave me the only nickname I've ever had. Daisuki, or plain Suki. THAT was what made me cry in the card, all these years later, and Whoop ,there it is :o)
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