~“The Blog That Watches Back”~

Sunday, December 6

Red Plaid Boxer Briefs

Dear Wife, Husband, or S.O of the General Contractor:

Hi! My name is Gail, and I have had the distinct, um, pleasure of having your peep[s] work in my home. Except for the taper, the crew[s] were nice guys who tried to clean up after themselves, and I found them to be kind and funny.
However, we gotta have a talk.
About red plaid boxer-brief underwear.
And the men who wear them. Evidently, unbeknownst to them, I can see the material, I can tell by the elastic that they are boxers and not tighty-whities.....and a lot more. PLEASE, for the LOVE OF GOD....make these men crouch down, their back to you, BEFORE they leave for work. Get a gander of what they be presentin', you dig? I don't need to know any-THING about their undergarments. Or what they're covering. Or not. It's not that I haven't enjoyed the show.... It seems that maybe a certain man [STEVE! You know its Steve] is learning all about when the tables are turned,...and the woman is looking at the mens asses. And discovering that maybe, just maybe, he doesn't like it very much. Which makes me love him all the more, a little green-eyed monster is just Fiiiiiiiiine by me. But in my defense, *I* did not go looking for asses to appear, as if by magic, throughout my livingroom and stairwells. I'm just lucky, I guess.

Also? I find it to be a huge dichotomy.....if the pants are so loose that they hang at the nether regions of the hips....that the men STILL pick at their asses. Come on, I am going thru a LOT of stress, noise, and dust here. Do I NEED to see that? Would YOU want to? I am going thru Clorox wipes and Lysol spray [and I distinctly dislike the smell of lysol] to beat the band, over the visuals being presented to me.

To you Contractors and crews thereof.... I have made a short list of items for you to peruse at your leisure.....but hopefully before you report to the work site next.

-Please, please, keep the pants up. And the shirt down.

-Please show up in the general time frame that you have stated to us. If the taper said 8:30 am, arriving at 10:30 am,- with NO apology or acknowledgement that you have just pushed back completion of this project by a good 24 hrs,- is NOT acceptable. And, if we use this contractor again, we will specify that we do not want that taper to work in our home again.

-If part of the crew is in the bathroom, and your boss is outside, I don't want to hear, repeatedly and with gusto, that you :
-do not want you balls busted
-you will bust the other guy[s] balls
-fucking suck my balls
-this fucking sucks my balls [at this point I almost ruptured my self trying not to laugh out loud, I have never heard guys so fixated on balls]
-you can fucking suck my fucking balls
-and the rest of the fight you are having. [Unless you open the bathroom door, and I can get a chair and some popcorn. Your faces were angelic, who knew you were so fond of your balls, your friends balls, your neighbors balls, and anyone elses balls that were in your general vicinity ??

-Judge ye the distance between your workspace, and where the family members are. Can they HEAR your bodily explosions? Can they indeed, hear you laugh about them and rate them? Do you know if, perchance, Tony and Gail just sat down to lunch? And were treated to a musical interlude? Funny, I didn't see THAT on the final write up for job cost. Sure got our moneys worth outta THAT part of the crew.

Trying, TRYING to maintain a sense of humor. This sucks donkey balls, to quote a friend. I'm getting pissed and impatient, and Steve is bearing the brunt of it. It's Sunday morning now, and the tiling crew is here. The contractor says the tiling in that room is a 4-5 hour job if nothing goes wrong. [?? @@ ??] But I still have to wait for it to dry, to get grouted, to dry again, and to get sealed, and dry. Oh, YAY Team Gail. And guess what? The sound of the tile saw is deafening and unescapable.The Love Shack had better behave for a while, my brains are leaking out my right ear right now.

A link I thought tres funny. Scroll down and watch the video. The taper could have used this info:

http://www.wikihow.com/Wake-Up-Late-and-Still-Make-It-on-Time

December:
5th: Happy Happy Birthday Stevie! :o)
6th: National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day
7th: National Cotton Candy Day
8th: Take It In The Ear Day [oh my]

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2 comments:

Lisa said...

You had to bring up "Cracks" I was going to get the kids and a man on his bike was on my right front corner panel. Oh my Goodness, I think I saw right up to his mouth..

Ya know good and well those Fart machines knew you could hear their Fartly tunes. As for the Potty mouths you should have gone in and busted their BALLS!

Gail said...

Hahaha Lisa, I was laughing too hard. It was absolutely hysterical,..hire a G.C and get the humor thrown in for free :o)