You lucked out.

I had a bloggie all typed up.And I read it, and it was basically a bitchfest. A Stabby bitchy type of bitchfest, complete with cramps, guilt, and the "hot as hell" theory of Hellativity. So I will spare us all that.This is one thing I really enjoyed, a lot of my plants needed to be potted on and I got to do that this week. This is the "library".....the 3 season room we're not sure what we'll do with yet:

And if you're with me at facebook, you saw what happened when I VERY innocently mentioned what was available for sale in walmart.Some people have SUCH dirty minds, but not me:

OH! And here is something from my Boo,right in line with the sites I blogged Saturday, OMG, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE don't ever let me pose nude with a friggin CAT! :
http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

FAIL

One really good aspect of having a blog is that sometimes people who read you send you stuff. I've received a lot of cartoons that I kinda can't blog, as they are definitely x-rated, but still appreciated :o) But web sites too, and they hit your funnybone. This first one, I don't remember if Boo sent it to me or I sent it to her, but we both love this:

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

In Time mag this week,there is an article about the founder of the site, Ben Huh. In a sidebar, there is a list of the web sites he has generated over the years, and I was amazed to see that I visit all of them, and never made the connection. Here is a list of some of his creations, via Time mag:

http://roflrazzi.com/

http://totallylookslike.com/

http://pictureisunrelated.com/

and this, my personal favorite....I have one brother, who,when my Dad commented on his handyman/mechanical skills, said "That boy has one tool...a hammer." That brother would RATHER jury-rig something for the sheer joy of it, rather than go for the traditional fix. This site reminds me so much of him :

http://thereifixedit.com/

I am so happy! I have this whole coming week off....the owners of the business I work for close the whole place down for a week and go on vacation, so no pay, but a whole WEEK! [Steve took Monday off too, so I don't think I'll be getting too much done, hehehe] And I had Friday off. I looked at the clock at 4am on friday, and thought ooooooooo, another hour in bed.....wait.....I HATE TODAY OFF AND IT IS THE START OF VACATION! and I got so excited I couldn't try and sleep, lol. Dumbass.

I have planned to finish the unpacking this week, I'm tired of rubbermaid bins and running to the basement to find shit. But I haven't felt this good, or relaxed, since before we started house hunting. I didn't realize the full extent of the weight of my commute until last night. I was talking to one of my sisters, asking when she is coming up to the Shack, and I told her, upstairs is almost done, but I'm not done unpacking yet, the commute is killing me. She says, well, a lot of people commute. And she was right, but that is NOT me. I guess one of the reasons I blast the music is to try to not hear what is going on in my brain during the commute, is it SUCH SUCH a waste of my friggin time..........1 hour or more one way ..........when I could be doing something here. I'm not a man, nor a woman who is the major breadwinner, and to each his own, right? I feel guilty for not being here, and guilty when I am, I'm a regular two-gun Sam. I NEVER thought I'd associate playing Ruby or with my plants or reading with guilt, cause I COULD be unpacking, right? And my MIL is coming next weekend, Lord knows what she'll think when she sees the basement. Wait, she reads this blog sometimes. Oh,well, that stays, it's the truth. I'm no good at this commuting/working/running the house/having time for myself shit. Steve is just la-di-la about it, he doesn't care, but then again, he loves me and it ain't his gig either, it's all mine baby, all mine. I belong on the FAIL blog :X
[even as I type this, Sat. morning, the men are at work or a car show. Since they are "playing" I ought to be able to play too.I am off to play Ruby.Then I'll go see how many pots I need to buy to pot on some plants that won't stop growing.Then I'll go play some more, or read. FAIL.]


August:
15th: National Relaxation Day, National Failures Day
18th: Bad Poetry Day

"Alaska: it's Different up There"

"About 10,000 Juneau residents briefly lost power after a bald eagle lugging a deer head crashed into transmission lines. 'This is the story of an overly ambitious eagle, who evidently found a deer head in the landfill' said Alaska Light & Power spokesperson Gayle Wood. The bird, weighed down by the deer head, apparently failed to clear the transmission lines. A repair crew found the eagle dead, the deer head nearby. 'You have to live in Alaska to have this type of outage scenario', Wood said."

Roadside Jesus Doohickies and Defenestration.

Favorite words.
I have a lot, but this is top of the list. I took Latin in H.S, and made all my kids take it too [hell,we all had the same teacher! TYVM, Mz Nilsestuen! ] but I *do* have have one favorite word, it just tickles me. I have blogged about it in relation to things jumping out of the fridge at me :o)
Defenestrate
[n, tr.v]: To throw out a window, to be caused to be thrown out a window

I was dusting the window sills Sunday, and sashayed my ass into our bedroom. As I dusted under the a/c unit, I realized there was moisture under there. Not Good. We have the original wooden unpainted windowsills. Doubly Not Good. I call to Steve, and he determines that the unit is not canted properly for the moisture to run off. And decides on a Rube Goldberg type of wooden ruler solution. As I am placing the ruler, for the umpteenth time, in the position he scribes, it happens.....the a/c unit DEFENESTRATED itself. Right out the window, onto the roof of the "Library" [the 3 season room, with separate electric heat, that we have no clue how to use yet, and Won't have said clue until we go thru a winter with it, to calculate the heating costs. *I* want that room for a studio, but if it costs too much to heat......]

OMDDG. I thought it was hysterical, but I was trying to guard Steves feelings, I didn't want to burst out laughing if this was gonna piss him off. But, he looked at me with the same thought in his eyes. And we both burst out laughing, with the a/c unit on the lower roof, in the rain. I will NEVER forget the sight of that unit sliding out the window, it happened so fast we just couldn't do anything about it.

After we got done laughing, we were able to pull the unit back up into the window and secure it properly. Steve says, glad the kids weren't here to see that. So I promptly FaceBooked it, and am reporting in to you too.

That was Sunday. I think you all know how I feel about Mondays. [not only from de Debbil, but from the lowest bowels of Hell] This Monday was no different. A rough start, a nasty commute,... but God was looking out for me.

Epiphany
[n]: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I think you've all seen 'em......those roadside doohickies that say "This is the speed limit, and THIS is the speed you are traveling at" ....well, I met one of those doohickies on my way home last Thursday. In the area where the sign says "USE TWO LANES". And my result? I was doing 72 in a 40 mph zone. It doesn't ameliorate the damage to say, we ALL were, and I am NEVER an aggressive or unsafe driver, but, well, there ya go. I was HORRIFIED. It's one thing to joke about it, it's another to SEE it. And I decided that I will do better in the speed department.

Fast-forward [hahaha] to Monday morning.
I come to a "Y" in the road...on one side. I come down Rt 32 to Rt 17, which in a few miles takes me to work. A Co-worker approaches the same *Y* from the 17M side, and continues down Rt 17. I am stopped, and I see her vehicle go thru the light. She is due is at 7:30, and I am due in at 8am, so I know I am right on time.

This is my hometown, my stomping grounds, no surprizes here, right?

I am deciding whether or not to pass a truck. The truck is in the slow lane, in front of me and to my right. There is one car in front of me in the fast lane. I looked up to see if any fast groups of cars were coming up behind me, in which case I'd move to the slow lane. Nope. I look down at my speed, I was laughing a bit, nothing like a reformed whore who found Jesus in a road side doohickey, right? I was doing 55 in a 55. The car in front of me put it's directional on, to move over so I could pass, but the car was still in front of me.

And then.

The big rig [think huge garbage truck, that's what it looked like] in the slow lane TIPPED OVER. The fucker TIPPED OVER. Toward the shoulder, and part of it came right out.....into the fast lane. We were all fine. Rush hour drivers can be assholes, but when the shit hits the fan, you do what you gotta do without thinking. We all stopped, no one else hit anyone else or was hurt.You could SMELL the brake pads in the morning air. And the DEAD silence in the seconds after the screeching. And, in the opposite direction, here comes a local cop car.

Here's the thing. If I hadn't seen Jesus in a roadside doohickey, I would have had my lead foot on. And I would have passed the other car. And when that truck tipped over, it would have swatted me off the road like a pesky mosquito.

My co-worker was horrified, she saw the truck tip in her rear-view mirror, and knew about where I was. The cop on the scene talked to the drivers behind the truck, and the one in front of me, and then turned us all around, and I used back roads to get to work.When I called to say I was gonna be late,.....the pure joy and relief in my co workers voice was evident.

I've never had an hour commute in my Life, and this is a whole new world for me. I will admit... I HATE IT. I hate it. I am who I am, and I am NOT a commuter. But that's what I gotta do right now. HOWEVER.......I am done with letting pods of traffic dictate my speed. I am 48, and acted like a teen at a pot party, oh WOW, everyone ELSE is doing it, and I'm ashamed of that.The local paper says, the cops expect and will ignore up to 10 miles an hour over the limit, during rush hour in safe situations. And I think I'll stick to that.

You know, I have never had a ticket in my life. When I told Steve about the Jesus doohickey, he said, a LOT of them are camera-equipped, and you might wind up with a speeding ticket in the mail. You know what? That sounds pretty good to me right now.

I am so glad to be home.

------------>Good Times!<-----------

Right off the bat, here is one pic I promised,.....thought I blogged because I sent it to so many people, and just now realized I didn't blog...."Hope" [my title for this photo] created by John Voss, on the wall at the Shack:

This week we celebrated Boo and Tonys' birthdays. Boo wanted home made food stuff, and got that. As she unwrapped her gifts, what do I see but a few seasons of "Good Times" [a sit-com from WAAAAY back] Boo asked me if I knew the lyrics to the shows theme song, and I Stunned her when I sang em, sometimes I don't think my kids realize how old I am. I was amazed that the kids Love the old TV shows.
Tone chose a luncheon @ TGIFridays.....his birthday is today, and later, the kids will do a {NYC} city run, try to meet up with my niece T [who comments here when she remembers to ] and they'll have a great time down there too.

I have NEVER seen what happens if the staff at TGI knows it is someones birthday. I had said " Yo birthday boy, you order first". At one point at the end of the meal, I noticed that there was No wait staff on the floor....and then I heard clapping? They all came over to our table and sang their "roll call" birthday song to Tone. He turned beet red, and I LOVED it! I know there aren't many more times where it will be just the 5 of us, and that was such a great meal. As we were leaving, Stevie said thanks for the meal, it was great being out with our Mob. I guess that's what we are, I feel very thankful and happy to have my "mob".

I told you about the pulls and knobs for the kitchen. I gave this a LOT of thought, because no matter what vibe we're trying to hit, it's gotta be warm and inviting. I also worried if I put up a lot of knobs and pulls it'd look like an ikea explosion in there. No problem, we found the perfect set of knobs and pulls, and the job is half done. They are copperish, warm and cozy.[I TOLD you there would be a lot of befores and afters!] Knobs: [on the $%^^&(* OAK cabinets]

Pulls:

and I changed out the stainless steel pulls on the baking center, I don't know if I'll refinish the center or leave it light oak:

and you gotta see this. My kitchen is not really big on the counterspace. I wanted my big cooking utensils handy, but not taking up countertop real estate.
The refrig extends out of it's nook about 7 inches, and I spied that MAGNETIC piece of real estate. And got an idea, to put up a magnetized container or two, to hold the utensils. Except the utensil are so heavy, they dragged down every container we put em in. Now we realize [ok STEVE realizes] that he'll have to have a container he can drill thru, so that a screw can help support the container.And WHAT did I see, but my almost empty cooking oil can. I had the plan, and Steve did it...cut off the top, folded down the sides, used magnets on the fridge side and a screw on the wood side and screwed that puppy up on the wall. Voila!

Now I have time to find a permanent container, but I kinda like this one, it's very on topic in my kitchen.

Slowly but surely.

August:
8th: Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night
9th: National Polka Festival
10th: Lazy Day

-----
A guest appearance from a friend named Jeff. Thank you :o)
-----

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."

If you have done any of the above (or ALL of them, as I have) you may be suffering from this virus.
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
Hmmm....Have I already sent this to you?
Have a great day anyway....

Mustard Squirters and Smelly things

Well.
We all have things we don't know, right?
Evidently I don't know real wood when I see it.
[NOT A WORD. NOT ONE.]
The cabinets in my kitchen are in rough shape. I was in the process of deciding what to do with them, paint them, whatever. You saw in my bloggie, I posted a pic of my magnetic knife strips finally going up. Last night I mentioned to Steve, you know what? Every pic I take of those cabinets, they look like real wood!
Guess what?
They ARE wood.
Most likely oak, the grain pattern looks very much like the grain of our oak bed.
Steve about busted a gut laughing at me. He couldn't understand why *I* would paint over wood, he assumed I knew the cabinets are wood, but since the kitchen is mine, he was willing to go along with me.
In light of this discovery, I took a good long look at them. I had already scrubbed them when we moved in, but thinking they were not real wood, I thought the surface was permanently stained.Today I got a green scrubbie and oil soap, and went to work.
.
[Axiom: The size of your kitchen increases in direct proportion to the amount of wood surface you must scrub, repeatedly and with force.]

And I'll be at THAT for quite a while.
Now, Steve is probably thinking, Hehehe, less work and no money, I LIKE wood cabinets. Except for one small thing. This house was built in the 60's, and it never occurred to ANY of the previous owners to put up knobs or pulls, to prevent the very staining I am scrubbing off right now.And I LIKE knobs, you can insert some character into your kitchen with your choice of them. But [DON'T tell Steve this] they ain't free. And when you ad up the cabinets, the drawers, the baking center I brought with me, and the sideboard in the dining room, that adds up to 34 pulls or knobs. Steve is not in the clear yet. I'll try not to go overboard, but I am not getting plain jane ugly knobs just for the sake of having them. I'm sure as soon as I find they right things, they will speak to me.

Just like these lil bottles spoke right up. But I'll start at the beginning. I make my own body oil, for after showers. I use grapeseed oil [you can get that right in the baking section at Stop n shop, 9 bucks for a bottle like this:

and I mix my own essential oils into it. I will not pay 20 bucks for a tiny bottle that someone else put the stink in, I can do that myself ThankYouVeryMuch. I prefer the citrus family, so I have bottles of lemon, orange, tangerine, grapefruit, and lime essential oils, and mix up what ever strikes my fancy. But,what to store it in? In the old place, I used this [and I won't even BOTHER to tell you not to laugh, I don't want any ruptures, this was in my medicine cabinet for Years:

But...the space in this medicine cabinet is too short to accomodate a squirty mustard bottle. Hmm, 50-60's theme, short bottle for storing body oil. And this is what I wound up with, you can see on the shelf above, the lil bottles of essential oil I use:

On a side note, one of my sisters sent us a beautiful set of home scenters for the Love Shack. You know the kind, a bottle with scented oil in it and reeds that soak up the oil and scent the air.When the oil is gone from the ones we were gifted, I am making scented oil to go into those cute lil bottles, using the same method I would for body oil.That way, I can keep the lil bottles for a long time. you can see one of them on the sink near my mustard squirter :X

----->Ironing as a contact sport<------

Every relationship has it's give and take. Over here, I iron for Steve. He keeps my truck beautifully maintained and the tank full, and we're both happy. BUT...these things come with a price. Steve agrees that once a week, he will come and "entertain" me while I iron. This "entertainment" has taken MANY forms, from talks from the heart [when ironing is done children seem to magically disappear] to a lot of laughs, and tonight was no exception. We chose Billy Joels "Glass Houses" as the music to iron by.

[still no tv in the "Game Room" where the video game units and games are,which is also where I iron. Whoopsie! We're getting there. And REAL games are still played in the living room. SOMEONE here spilled my Scrabble tiles on the basement floor. I am waiting until someone pisses me off, and then I'll tell them to go pick em up. Steve, kids, you are WARNED! Now wait and see, I'll wind up pickin' em up anyway.]

You canNOT stand still thru that album, and it makes the job go faster. Steve decided to entertain me by singing every OTHER word to the songs on that cd. The ones he could remember the words to. And do all the stupid funny things that make the kids eyes roll, if they were there to see it. I had to threaten to iron out some of HIS wrinkles, AND I told him I'd blog that threat. And he went and did it....he triple dog dared me. There ya go!
Of course the job took longer than usual, not just because of certain people, but because we were popping a circuit breaker we didn't know included the game room. We had the windows in the library open, I can PICTURE the horror on putzs' face next door, that'll teach HIM to come out to get the paper dressed like a half naked ninja, there is JUST so much a person can take before coffee. The job got side tracked by laughter, and said circuit breakers. I so much appreciate Steves sense of humor, and I realized that a great sense of humor is something all my friends have in common.....dry wit or in-your-face, or anywhere inbetween. I've been on this job since September, and I am still shocking people, you'd think they'd have my measure by now. Todays work included 5 inch black silicone tubing. There was a miscut and I wound up with one 10 inch cut.Yes, I had a lot of fun with my ten-incher, making the guys knew *I* had the biggest one,......one of the guys MAY have ripped the zipper on his shorts bent over laughing, and the owner may or may not think I'm crazy, but you didn't hear that from me, cause *I* ain't one to gossip.

Which brings me to a thought I had. You know,when you're a kid, you're in school, or in front of mom and dad,....authority figures...... you GUARD YOUR TONGUE. Married, married with kids, out in the workforce, ...........don't piss off the boss or inadvertently teach the kids the *F* bomb they're already heard umpteen times.........you GUARD YOUR TONGUE. But....then the kids get older, or leave the nest, and/or you retire, and you start talking whatever smack is on your mind, the more outrageous, un-pc and funny the better. And you Stop guarding your tongue so much. Seniors aren't crazy at ALL, they simply say the things the young'uns won't. I figure, by the time I'm 75, I'll have a new career,...as a comedian. All I'll have to do is speak into a mike, the same unguarded way I speak to Steve and close friends now, and I could rake in the simoleons!

And HERE.TA-freakin-ta-DA...my stabby things are Finally up where they belong!! The kitchen is somewhere near halfway almost done!

I never thought I'd say looking at stabby things gave me the warm fuzzies, but there ya go.

And another plant, in the kitchen [ I SWEAR, a baby from an already owned plant the kids gave to me for Mothers Day! I did NOT bring another plant into this house!!]
I have a mini le creuset [ceramic] pot as a salt cellar in the kitchen. Steve broke the lid, so Steve had the honor of buying me another one. But WHAT to do with the cellar [bowl] itself? I know! Make a planter!
A before pic, this is the new one, with a lemon near it so you can judge it's actual size:

And an after, the ivy taken from my Mothers day gift:


Oh! And since I showed you the Wedding video, I'll show you it's counterpart, the "Jill and Kevins last day" divorce/spoof video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6-mGlT_0mk

August:

4th: National Mustard Day

5th: Wiggle Your Toes Day

`The Super Ball was born in 1965, and it became America’s most popular plaything that year. By Christmas time, only six months after Super Balls were introduced by Wham-0, 7 million balls had been sold at 98 cents apiece.~

Turkeys: The Official Yard Animals of the Gail household.

A Friday into Saturday bloggie, because I got sidetracked again. And Steve has the leaky shower torn apart, so I don't have to work in there. And I'm pretending there's nothing else I need to be doing right now. So I'll chat with yall for a while. THEN I'll remember the laundry waiting to go into the dryer....but that's later.

Friday:
I need to re-purpose what came with the house, even if I don't like it, until the point that we can afford what we want. So, the main bathroom is presenting a HUGE challenge to me. No tub....a HUGE shower but no tub......

[and there's a light in the shower. I'm always afraid to use it, water and lights just aren't RIGHT together. But they are fun]

.........and the medicine chest is probably original to the house, complete with the "stage light" lights. Arrrrrgh. BUT...we have bigger fish to fry right now. I scrubbed the living shit out of the shelves, but they still looked bad. I had today off, and my project was to cover the shelves in that cabinet with contact paper.......the official paper of Hell [tm].

You know, I know, we ALL know, the axiom..... measure twice, cut once. I measured those friggin shelves 4 TIMES.

[and I will tell you, I have a sister who called me the "queen of contact paper" after I redid an old freezer, to make it last 10 more years until we bought the Shack, and bought our new upright that I sneak into the basement to look at. It's so purdy. I KNOW contact paper. Unfortunately, it knows me too, and it decided to be a bitch today.]

The lowest shelf is wider than the upper ones. Oh, I measured, measured, measured, measured and cut ok......and came up 4 inches short. I don't have a CLUE what happened. It stuck together and bunched up like PETA at a tanners convention. That kinda pissed me off, and I'm standing there with scissors in hand, being pissed.....the contents of the cabinet all over the place....and Tony walks in, HE wants to shower before he goes to the AC/DC concert. I don't think our kids realize sometimes, how close they skirt to the edge of our patience. Tony certainly didn't.

So, I leave in a huff. Go to the kitchen and look out the window at the rain....and see 3 turkeys in the back yard. This morning, our neighbors got deer and a loon in THEIR yard, and Gail gets a black cat and turkeys. How friggin appropo. But I DID know exactly where the camera AND the camera cable were, so that marked a real watershed in the unpacking process. I CAN FIND SOME THINGS!!!
But I digress, what else is new. The turkeys came around the side of the house to the front yard, and I was able to open the front doors [a kinda noisy proposition, I thought they'd be scared by it] and got some good shots of the official yard animals of the Gail household !![that's Stevies car out front, Tonys' cohort for the concert]

I wondered if I would blog this or not, but could not resist. No matter HOW much you were paid....would YOU:
A) Get a brazilian wax
B) Allow a camera crew IN THE ROOM WITH YOU
C) Allow THAT to be shown on national TV?

The video:
http://tinyurl.com/m7zr56

A g-rated explanation of this process. I canNOT imagine this:
http://beauty.about.com/od/hairremoval/ht/bikiniwax.htm

The "lady" being waxed is from "The View", a daytime ABC "news" program. When this show premiered, I was a SAHM. It was touted as the be-all of intelligent news shows, featuring WOMEN in a round table discussion format. Woo-Hoo! I'll go for that! By the end of the first season, they were already lying about the firing of the youngest "newswoman", and I could see it was more of a henhouse/info-tainment show than a news show. [I will NOT tell you that I am a secret addict to Fox news when I am home now....... no, you'd think I was a phlilistine] But really, for ANY amount of money, would you do that AND tape it AND show it on TV? And Barbara Walters thinks a WAX is NEWS???? I wouldn't even let anyone see the hissy fit I had at the damned contact paper! [no, I will just out myself and blog about it. ]
I took a "quiz" on Facebook, one my niece T had taken. About "What kind of Bitch are you". It turns out *I* am a classy bitch. I guess I am, I CERTAINLY wouldn't pour hot wax on my hoo-haw in front of a bazillion people.

August:
1st: Friendship Day
2nd: National Ice Cream Sandwich Day

"The English Language"

"It's a strange language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water" -Franklin P Jones

"Any language where the unassuming word "Fly" signifies an annoying insect, a means of travel, and a critical part of a gentlemans' apparel is clearly asking to be mangled." -Bill Bryson

"English has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "Solitude" to express the glory of being alone" -Paul Tillich

"Not only does the English language borrow words from other languages, it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them over the head, and goes thru their pockets" -Eddy Peters